"I 'got' nothing today"

                                               

 Where am I?  Where have I been and where am I going?  My blog? 

  I desire to return to sharing my cogitations but have not been able to focus and find myself, in these busy last few weeks.  They have been good weeks but in my maturity, I struggle with too much multitasking.  I may accomplish the physical multitasking but not the mental.  My thoughts and introspection are capricious and fickle and I am not able to develop or complete them. 

  I have variant thoughts on a tech company’s recent increased parental leave to a year with pay, ‘black men count’ contrary efforts, rights and privileges without responsibilities, unfettered cell phone use, rude and self-involved behaviors,  parenting adult children and grand-parenting, celebrating a 50 year marriage with Mate, constant reminders to stay out of judgment, and tending to my health as a ‘mature’ Kate. 

 Lots of fodder for consideration but I am unable to crystallize my thoughts because I’m ‘that’ dizzy blonde at this time!

  To illustrate, yesterday I was multitasking and being summoned by Mate as well as being told it was time to put a drop in my eye as part of post-cataract surgery regimen.  5-10 minutes later, I noticed an ugly taste in my mouth and on my lips.  I’d ingested nothing! My conclusion is that I put the drop in my nostril because I often use a nasal spray.   It was several hours before I could be rid of that horrible taste!

  Restless-in-bed last night, thinking that I wanted to express myself on my blog, and frustrated, I got the notion that I could share these feelings.  Surely, we all experience a lack of focus for a variety of reasons and need to be patient with ourselves by tending to our emotional, mental and physical needs.  Perhaps----------------therein lies my cogitations I care to share.  

                                         Thoughts of our old Beautyrest

  Recently, the importance of a good bed became of paramount importance to me.  The surrounding lessons and insights became even more important. 

  Mate and I traveled for 3 weeks and most often were in superb beds!  Wonderful!  As I lay my tired body on our old Simmons when finally home, the muscles in my back were very sore. 

  We have known for a couple of years that the mattress needed to be replaced but didn’t agree on what should replace it.  While it remains important to be able to feel one another’s loving and familiar energy, our age-related sleep challenges can cause sleep deficits for me in particular.  Twin or king instead of our accustomed queen?  They weren’t realistic options because of space and the old mattress continued to develop more lumps and bumps! 

  That first night on our bed after the trip was painful for me and I knew the next day we had to do something about it, pronto!  Forget the research results we had muddled through and our indecisions on all the new technologies and just head out to MACY’s and get the best we could get there. 

  I continued with the very sore back and restless nights and every night as I lay my body on our old Beautyrest, I actually counted how many days until the new mattress would be delivered.   Unfortunately, MACY’s wanted to deliver the mattress the afternoon we had previous plans to hear the Boston POPS and so the delivery had to be postponed.  MACY’s dropped the ball, and never entered the rescheduled time in their books.  Next possibility for delivery was over a week later!  They did compensate us with a $100 gift certificate, which was little compensation for my sore back!  

  Mate suggested we sleep in our guest bedroom.  I never had slept in the room, on the bed, or even on that floor!  I resisted for a couple of nights and then decided we should try it. 

  I put my favorite 400 count sheets on it and took our favorite pillows, our books, Kleenex, nail file, CPAP with me.  Hmmmmm~~~~~~~~~~~ “Feels like we’re on vacation.  Bed feels pretty good, sheets feel great!  I like the shadow the light creates on the edge of that wall.”  We turned the lights out.  “I can see the stars in the skylights and I am not able to see them in our bedroom.  I love that!” 

 The next morning, I was awakened by the early New England sunrise in the skylights and it felt wonderful!  I am a morning person and react positively and quickly to the sun.  I lay there a few minutes and considered the wallpaper and the paint choices that I had made. The Georgia O’Keefe’s prints that I love are on the wall and some antiques that have significance in my life are carefully placed.  I created this room and I love it.  I felt comfortable and excited to be reminded of this lovely room.

  My thoughts of gratitude overwhelmed me.  Certainly, for obvious reasons surrounding the bedroom experience but more profoundly was the realization that I had made what I deemed a miserable situation into a very pleasant and eye-opening experience.  The circumstances surrounding the entire Simmons-replacement-challenge were not in my control. When I was able to ‘let it go’ and accept the circumstances, I could take control and make the experience wonderful.  A minor challenge, letting go of circumstances out of my control, and willingness to ‘move on’ afforded me a more profound lesson to be considered in my future life experiences.

 Mate and I love our new Beautyrest and now know that the last few days of driving several hundred miles was the true culprit in my sore-back problem.

My thoughts on listening

My thoughts of yesterday were with me as I fell asleep last night.  The power of listening and my gratitude for having that capability were in my thoughts.

 I volunteer in a facility where I see several patients.  My ‘job description’ is to disperse information with the hope that some comfort will be achieved in an alien environment.  My gratification comes from going beyond the necessary requirements as I’ve found that any real comfort comes from the communication skills of ‘listening’. 

 I was reminded very vividly of that fact yesterday when visiting a patient who unenthusiastically listened to my ‘spiel’ and displayed little energy.  I mentioned the tv and the patient began to relate a recent program and how impacted they were by the musical performance.  Unexpectedly,  I was then rewarded by, “You listen”.  Evidently, several professionals had visited and had no time for the’ listening’ to the tv experience and clearly wanted to ‘get down to their business’.  Naturally, that was their role in this person’s life. 

 In my role, I was afforded the mindset and capability to listen to this person’s interest and enthusiasm in life when their physical circumstances may have been dire.  The enthusiasm took them out of their physical challenges and was emotionally healing.

In contemplating my day, the many people I interacted with and the experiences I had, the particular experience with this patient and the simple words, “You listen” made me smile and rest.  I thought, “When we just relax and live in the moment, listening is so easy”. Gratitude.  

Thoughts of a Rose Bush

 My thoughts this morning were inspired when I saw climbing rose bush in front of an old farm house.  The bush was meandering with small red roses.  It looked like a bush that ‘sprung up’ along a fence and was not intentionally planted.  I’ve driven past this bush for several years but on this particular occasion (my husband was driving so perhaps I was enjoying the scenery in a more relaxed state), I had an intense sense memory. 

  It was a lovely sensation.  I was back in 6^th grade and our teacher was giving the class a lecture about stealing flowers.  Someone was stealing red roses from a nearby home on their way to school and the homeowners had contacted the school.  On my desk was a red rose and I had a  red face, I’m sure!

 Everyday, a boy in class would bring me a red rose.  I had no idea where it came from and never considered it.  It was springtime, I was 12 years old, and experiencing my first crush on an inappropriate boy (other side of the tracks).  At recess, he’d chase me on the playground and it was so exciting.  Certainly was never any contact or dialogue that was suggestive of our attraction to one another, just chasing!

 My recent sense memories and thoughts were very sweet in those few moments of time.  I felt special and a bit ‘full of myself’.  So innocent the feelings and recollections were and still are. 

 I drove past the rose bush yesterday but didn’t have the same intense sense memory I had previously experienced but recalled it and perhaps always will every time I pass it in the future.  I am grateful for the sweet experience in my memories of an earlier time in my life when the world and I were less complicated.

  Kate

Time to start! July 18, 2015

  I’ve always craved sharing my thoughts, from the little girl that had to stay after school because she chatted too much to the ‘privilege’ of being voted a class personality. The female ‘class chatterbox’!    On my journey to ‘Senior hood’, I often deprived myself of the opportunities to continue with the esteemed ‘chatterbox’ talent.  Groups and organizations were not my preference and so opportunities to exercise my penchant for sharing became limited. 

  My joy became my journal.  Whom better a person could I find to talk with, to share with, than myself?  Although my journal can ‘oftimes’ serve as a diary, the joy and rewards are derived from the contemplations and resultant insights into who I am and what is the purpose of this physical life for me. 

  A trusted friend suggested a ‘blog’ as an avenue to a sharing of myself.  “Me?  Who wants to hear my ramblings?”  It’s been well over a year since a blog was suggested to me, and I have finally decided to try something new.  If I connect with no one, I will still have the joy and experience of sharing myself and perhaps a new adventure will ensue!