Where Have I Been for the Past Few Months?

   I've been lost the past few months.  Lost in contemplation, consideration, and physical pain.
Many of my beloved plants are not as healthy as usual.  My energies influence my plants.  I've
 had the sense that subliminal changes were in progress.  I believe the physical pain was and continues to be a tool my body and spirit have chosen to force me to pay attention to a behavior that undermines my sense of worth.  
   I evidently wasn't ready to address these issues until a few months ago.  I certainly could not communicate what I was considering because I was only nibbling at the cause and resultant effect.  In truth, my trusted 'guru' gave me a two ward 'start'.  
   Self-image.  "Would I be loved and respected revealing my truths?  Would I be valued 'just because?  Whom am I hurting with my fabricated strengths?  They often work well for me and others as well."
   These musings were frustrating in my beginning explorations because I first had to identify what behaviors reflected the suggested 'issue'.  "So what?"
   As I delved into a particular behavior and altered it in my fantasy,  I began to understand how affecting my behavior was to a situation.  Some consequences were satisfactory but often, a more desired result could have occurred.
   Weeks would go by and I would identify more of my behaviors of controlling my self-image in many situations but I wasn't able to grasp the import to my self worth.
   I made the choice to trust that I was identifying a trait that needed to be addressed.  The next baffling step was to pinpoint a tool that I could use to make the needed changes.  I realized that communication with my higher self on this issue was the avenue that best suited me.
   Two weeks ago, spontaneous hugs from casual acquaintance began to happen to me.  In reflection, those were the results of 'listening' to others in those relationships AND without a crafted comportment.  I am grateful for the genuine hugs as they were an organic display of appreciation for my honesty in our relationships.  
   Baby steps lead me forward in my self-discovery.