'It is what it is'!
  
  In the past couple of years, I've heard and used the phrase, 'It is what it is'.  I understood the concept and the value it could be in ones life, both in mundane experiences as well as situations and relationships of far greater importance. Recently, I was presented with a vehicle that enabled me to understand the true worth of 'It is what it is'.  
  I had been working on a project that required quite a bit of time both because of poor computer speed and the challenges of negotiating the web.  I felt that a delicate balance in my decisions was needed.  For me, that meant excitement, frustration, impatience, and resolution.   After a few weeks, I felt that I had completed the project satisfactorily and awaited an evaluation.   
  The project had to be understandably disbanded but never-the-less was disappointing.  I found myself stating "It is what it is".  
  As I was saying the perfunctory comment, I realized I wasn't feeling angst but a sense of calmness.  That's when I knew I was experiencing an organic understanding of 'It is what it is'.  The beauty of the realization was that I honestly felt acceptance of the disbandment of the project.  I felt an elemental acceptance and was and continue to be grateful for the experience.  
  Another baby step!

Where Have I Been for the Past Few Months?

   I've been lost the past few months.  Lost in contemplation, consideration, and physical pain.
Many of my beloved plants are not as healthy as usual.  My energies influence my plants.  I've
 had the sense that subliminal changes were in progress.  I believe the physical pain was and continues to be a tool my body and spirit have chosen to force me to pay attention to a behavior that undermines my sense of worth.  
   I evidently wasn't ready to address these issues until a few months ago.  I certainly could not communicate what I was considering because I was only nibbling at the cause and resultant effect.  In truth, my trusted 'guru' gave me a two ward 'start'.  
   Self-image.  "Would I be loved and respected revealing my truths?  Would I be valued 'just because?  Whom am I hurting with my fabricated strengths?  They often work well for me and others as well."
   These musings were frustrating in my beginning explorations because I first had to identify what behaviors reflected the suggested 'issue'.  "So what?"
   As I delved into a particular behavior and altered it in my fantasy,  I began to understand how affecting my behavior was to a situation.  Some consequences were satisfactory but often, a more desired result could have occurred.
   Weeks would go by and I would identify more of my behaviors of controlling my self-image in many situations but I wasn't able to grasp the import to my self worth.
   I made the choice to trust that I was identifying a trait that needed to be addressed.  The next baffling step was to pinpoint a tool that I could use to make the needed changes.  I realized that communication with my higher self on this issue was the avenue that best suited me.
   Two weeks ago, spontaneous hugs from casual acquaintance began to happen to me.  In reflection, those were the results of 'listening' to others in those relationships AND without a crafted comportment.  I am grateful for the genuine hugs as they were an organic display of appreciation for my honesty in our relationships.  
   Baby steps lead me forward in my self-discovery.